After our first intrauterine insemination (IUI) failure, we learned rather quickly that there is no "in between." We don't get a break or extra time to process the sadness that came with the first failure.
Here's what happened in a nutshell:
Aunt Flo finally arrived
We cried about it
I started preparing for round 2 almost immediately by starting Clomid again
This is when we realized we're in it for the long haul.
The Clomid Crazies
Remember how last cycle I didn't really have any mood effects from the Clomid? Well, let me tell ya––round two MORE than made up for that.
Not only was I dealing with the grief of not being pregnant after the first cycle (I know it's naive, but I really thought it would work the first time) but throw in some extra meds and hormones and you get yourself a recipe for disaster!
Now, I know I am not alone when I say that all I had was night sweats and a little anxiety the first round, then had full-out CRAZINESS the second round. (I asked around––this is normal).
I don't even know how to begin to explain what it was like, so I thought I'd have Brian chime in since he had to live with it. He thinks I am setting him up by asking this question, but as always, we want to be transparent with this blog and give it to you straight.
Me: Hey honey, what was I like on Clomid round 2?
Him: Yikes. Well, to start, your depression and anxiety was at its maximum levels times 10. And you were awfully moody. For the entire month. It just didn't go away. You cried a lot.
We are both so blessed to have the opportunity to work from home (me all the time due to the 'Vid; him as needed). As I was experiencing magnified emotions and moods and hormonal imbalances, Brian worked from home for a few days.
I snapped this pic of us working back-to-back in my office. I am blessed with the BEST husband!
Deja Vu
Day 12-15 I did at-home ovulation tests and each day was a big NO.
You know what that means! Another date with Wanda (AKA a transvaginal ultrasound to measure my follicles) on Day 15.
I called the clinic the morning of March 8 and scheduled my ultrasound for later that day.
There comes a time during this process where you lose all modesty, say f* it, and undress from the waist down like it's your day job.
I've reached that point. 🤷♀️
I had quite a few follicles on both ovaries this time. The nurse said that one of them looked like an ovarian cyst––which had me slightly alarmed!
An ovarian cyst is a fluid-filled sac found on or in the ovary. After the nurse explained what it was and that it was likely harmless and would go away on its own, I felt much better!
This is a side effect of...you guessed it...CLOMID!
Anyway, my follicles look super, so we scheduled the IUI for the following morning.
IUI #2
Day: Tuesday, March 9
Time: 9:30 a.m.
Prayer: Brian prayed in truck before I went inside
Feeling: Extremely nervous (you would be too after the first traumatizing IUI)
Nurse: Same as last time! I remind her of the speculum debacle––she remembers
Sperm: Both motility and count look great
Husband: On FaceTime
Me: Focusing on breathing and rubbing my mom's lucky owl stone she loaned me for this appointment
Speculum: I win this time; (Speculum: 1 Teri: 1)
Done: About 3 minutes later
WOOHOO! ✔️
Two Week Wait
This TWW was similar to the last one, except I was extra moody and I only took two pregnancy tests instead of six.
Unfortunately, Aunt Flo reared her ugly head and we learned that Cycle #2 failed. I thought we made it clear to her last time that she is NOT WELCOME HERE!
It's incredibly disheartening and sad to find out the cycle failed. Infertility is all-consuming. It's all I think about all month. Will this one stick? Is my body working correctly? If I am pregnant that means the baby's birthday will be in <insert month>. What will pregnancy be like? What will the baby look like?
Stay tuned to hear more about the Two Week Wait (things to do and not to do), what it's like going through infertility during a global pandemic, AND IUI #3.