• wannabe_mom

45 Months

45 months since we pulled the goalie.

45 months since we started trying for a family.

45 periods.

45 monthly reminders that I don't have a baby in my belly.

 

It's been 45 months

But we've only had 8 chances


And 4 of those chances were blocked by uterine polyps. I'm not a math whiz, but even I know that percentage is very very low.


That. Is. Mind Blowing.


The timing to make a baby has to be absolutely impeccable. And here I thought you could just go to a bar, take someone home and wake up pregnant. 😜


Seriously though, we have been on this journey for SO LONG (our whole marriage), and it is just baffling to me that when looking at it from this perspective, we've only tried 8 times. EIGHT!!!


Most couples get pregnant within 6-12 months. Even couples who try IUI have a greater chance of getting pregnant than we do, since they are advised to have sex during their fertile window.


But us? We don't have that option. With IUI, so much is left up to nature. And obviously, nature has not worked in our favor.

 

IUI #8 was not a part of our plans.


After our last failure, we were ready to be done with Plan A. Can you blame us?


Plan B is IVF (in vitro fertilization). At our clinic, University of Iowa, a lot of the IVF stuff has to be done at the clinic in Iowa City. This meant that we'd have to somehow get our remaining vial of sperm to the Iowa City lab.


If you recall, we had a unique situation when we moved the sperm across town from our first fertility clinic to our new one. (You can read about the cattle semen tank here.) Our doctor talked with the lab director in Iowa City to see if they'd allow us to transport our remaining vial in the same manner.


The answer was no, so we were going to have to spend the $750 to ship the darn thing.


I had the hardest time justifying spending that much money (almost as much as the vial of sperm itself cost!). I talked with our doctor about it, and she gave me another option:

  • Do another IUI in West Des Moines

  • This time, she would administer the procedure since the last one was a traumatic disaster (catch up here)

  • They would give me Valium to help me relax

  • AND, this would count as the mock embryo transfer for IVF

The More You Know: The “mock” embryo transfer is a trial run of the actual embryo transfer. It allows the doctor to determine the best “route” to the ideal embryo landing place in your uterus, to measure the length from cervix to that ideal place, and ensure that there are no unexpected road bumps along the way. If the Embryo transfer is done incorrectly, the entire cycle can be lost.

 

Moving Forward

Brian and I don't disagree very often - we have a very amicable marriage. But we did disagree when it came to #8. In his opinion, we might as well go outside and light money on fire. In the end, he said he will support whatever decision I make.

From my perspective, we were saving money by not having to ship sperm AND we were crossing the mock transfer off of our list AND maybe #8 would be MAGIC. And MAYBE I was dragging my feet to the inevitable truth that we were going to have to close the chapter on Plan A and get ready for Plan B. Maybe.


We had my ultrasound on April 18 to check my follicles, we did a double dose of trigger shots on April 20, and on April 21 my wonderful mama drove me to the clinic for the procedure so Brian could go to work that morning (he met us there).


I couldn't drive myself since I had to take Valium! Have you ever taken Valium? I didn't feel anything after the first pill, but once I took the second pill at the clinic, I was feeling pretty good. Everything was realllllly funny (hence the weird face I'm making in this photo!!).


The procedure was obviously still uncomfortable and no fun, but it went MUCH more smoothly than the last one. Test day was supposed to be two weeks later on May 6, but I started spotting SIX DAYS early. That was very strange so, of course, I got my hopes up that it was implantation bleeding!

I convinced myself for half a day that I was pregnant. I daydreamed of the baby inside me: I figured out when his or her birthday would be; I started fantasizing about baby names; I imagined what it would be like to FINALLY have a baby in my arms and put this nightmare behind us.

But then Aunt Flo (that ungrateful B) showed up and crushed my dreams. I didn't get out of bed for a few days, I ate a lot of chocolate, and I detached myself from everything in my life.


And I cried, A LOT.


That's infertility.

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