If I split our fertility journey into sections, or parts (like a book), here's how it would go:
Part 1: Before Infertility
When We Thought We Could Conceive on Our Own & Heartache
Part 2: An Introduction to the Wonderful World of Infertility
Appointments, COVID, Tests, Azoospermia & Heartache
Part 3: Waist-Deep in Infertility
Donor Sperm Selection, Donor Sperm IUIs #1-8, Uterine Polyps, & Heartache
And now.... drum roll please:
Part 4: Donor Sperm IVF
In-Vitro Fertilization & *Hopefully* No Heartache
Yep. We're doin' it.
Do I want to do it? No.
Does anybody? Likely not.
But, we're doing it, and here's why:
It's the next step to achieving our dream of having a child with my DNA, and the next step to my dream of carrying a baby
The success rate is higher than Donor Sperm IUI (ya know, we had 8 of those fail)
It's more controlled (I like control)
Now, don't get me wrong. We didn't just wake up one morning and decide we wanted to spend thousands and thousands of dollars (literally) for a procedure that may not even work.
We didn't just out-of-the-blue one day make the decision that we were going to inject my body with a whole bunch of hormones we can't even pronounce.
We've thought long and hard about it. We've talked to God about it. We've weighed our options and talked to our doctors and our therapists and our family.
To be honest, I had a hard time accepting that this was our next step.
If it were Brian's sperm? Yes, in a heartbeat, 100 times YES!!! We would probably be on round 12 by now. 🤣
In true Teri fashion, I had to pause, marinate on it, and think about things. I had to wrap my head around doing IVF with someone else's sperm. Just like I had to at the beginning of our IUI journey. Now, I am on board and ready to rock and roll - PLUS, I may even have a little renewed sense of hope going into Part 4.
Here's a fact: The sting of Brian's DNA not being passed down to our Littles is never going to go away. Never.
We're doing IVF because it is the next thing we need to do to have a baby. Plain and simple.
"How do you do it? How do you keep going?"
After almost 4 years of infertility, I get asked this question a lot. My answer has remained the same:
There are no other options.
The Morgans don't quit.
We didn't come this far to only get this far.
As bad as it may get while we are in the trenches, it's all going to be worth it in the end.
Plus, we have support all around us.
- A great team of doctors and professionals who know a lot more than we do about this kind of thing.
- A kick ass team of therapists I/we meet with on a regular basis -- I have no shame in telling you that I currently have 3 different mental health professionals in my court:
My individual therapist who helps me sort through my fears and worries
Our couples' therapist who helps us talk through our feelings and learn how to communicate and support one another better (our marriage has never been better!)
My psychiatrist who prescribes meds that help reduce my anxiety and insomnia in the safest way possible
- And you. When things get hard, THAT'S how we keep going. YOU keep us moving forward. Our family, our friends, and the infertility community as a whole make up our support team, and as we go into Part 4...
...we're going to need you now more than ever.
Our IVF meds came last week - they are shipped from a speciality pharmacy in Omaha. Our next appointment with the fertility clinic is this coming Tuesday - they will show us how and when to administer the injections. I am looking forward to learning more at that appointment so I can prepare myself for what is to come!
We made our first video - we're a little awkward and weird, but that's why you love us :)