.waist down.

"undress

waist down."

for the 87th

time in the last

3 years.

exaggeration?

likely.

or is it?

I lost count.

---

legs dangling

sweat dripping

muscles tensing

waist down

scoot

down

a little

further

now

relax

cold

here

touch

here

try to

relax

pressure

here

almost

done

more pressure

here

can you

relax

you're doing

great

almost

done

almost

done

almost

done

---

pokes.

prods.

shame.

pressure.

pinching.

pain.

detached.

numb.

uncontrolled.

cold.

crying.

powerless.

waist down.

---

do they know

waist down

is connected to

ME?

do they know

I love to write and travel and read and drink coffee?

do they know

I love dogs and sunsets and country air and road trips?

do they know

I am totally in love with my husband, my family and my friends?

or am I just another wannabe mom

putting my

body and

mind and

relationships

through hell

with another procedure that has a 5-10% success rate?

---

do they see

ME

or do they see my

anxiety

polyps

hormones

heartbreak

chipped toenail polish

tilted cervix

hopelessness

failed IUIs

vagina

tears

unshaven legs

hope

body

fears

speculums

medication

ultrasounds

donor sperm

sadness

---

What do you see?

Do you see me?