"undress
waist down."
for the 87th
time in the last
3 years.
exaggeration?
likely.
or is it?
I lost count.
legs dangling
sweat dripping
muscles tensing
waist down
scoot
down
a little
further
now
relax
cold
here
touch
here
try to
relax
pressure
here
almost
done
more pressure
here
can you
relax
you're doing
great
almost
done
almost
done
almost
done
pokes.
prods.
shame.
pressure.
pinching.
pain.
detached.
numb.
uncontrolled.
cold.
crying.
powerless.
waist down.
do they know
waist down
is connected to
ME?
do they know
I love to write and travel and read and drink coffee?
do they know
I love dogs and sunsets and country air and road trips?
do they know
I am totally in love with my husband, my family and my friends?
or am I just another wannabe mom
putting my
body and
mind and
relationships
through hell
with another procedure that has a 5-10% success rate?
do they see
ME
or do they see my
anxiety
polyps
hormones
heartbreak
chipped toenail polish
tilted cervix
hopelessness
failed IUIs
vagina
tears
unshaven legs
hope
body
fears
speculums
medication
ultrasounds
donor sperm
sadness