• wannabe_mom

BAMBAMZ & MRS. BAM Park Side by Side at the Fertility Clinic....

It kinda sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, #amiright? I had to snap a pic because our license plates made me giggle. 😂

Brian and I had my post-surgery follow-up with our doctor the afternoon of Friday, July 2. Brian took the afternoon off because he had some errands to run before the weekend, so I met him at the fertility clinic (rather than the normal he-picks-me-up-and-we-ride-together routine). I was OK with it (even though I despise making left turns), especially since he was running some of MY errands!


Here is what we learned from the appointment:

  • Pixie the Polyp is benign (thank GOD)

  • Surgery went well and Pixie was larger than expected

  • Reiteration: There is no way to know how long Pixie was there (this is something we just have to come to terms with)

  • Our doctor recommends three more donor sperm IUIs before moving on to a different option

  • He also thinks we need to branch out from our obsession of attending Garth Brooks concerts 🤣

  • Finally, he said now would be a good time to buckle down and do another cycle

Then, the subject changed to mental health.


A little bit of a back story for you:

Brian and I had been butting heads on when to try another cycle (butting heads for us is about the extent to which we ever argue or fight, so we have that going for us!). He felt strongly about taking some time off from infertility to enjoy part of the summer, take a vacation, and get back to a somewhat "normal" life.


I saw where he was coming from, of course. If you've followed us this far, you know we've been through quite a lot. If you need to be reminded, check out this post about our collective knockdowns of the last 3 or so years.

It has been so much to take on. I think I am perpetually exhausted. Each part of this journey has touched every single aspect of our lives––physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, mentally, relationally, socially, professionally, exhaustedally, depressedally, grumpyally (OK, I made up the last three but you get what I'm saying).

So, while Brian was ready for a much needed break, I wasn't sure if now was the time to step away for longer than one cycle due to the following rationale:

  • I'm not getting any younger

  • Egg quality decreases with age

  • I'm going to be 35 in a couple months and 35 is some sort of magic number in the infertility world

  • The longer we put this off, the less time we will get with our babies

  • What if our sperm donor runs out of sperm and we have to find a new donor (something I NEVER want to have to shop for again!!)

  • What if Pixie the Polyp decides to come back for a visit later -- wouldn't now be the best time to do another cycle?

  • What if NOW IS THE TIME AND WE WILL NEVER GET ANOTHER TIME!?

I felt at war with my own brain. Did I want to take a vacation and forget about life for awhile? Damn right, I did! But did I want to be pregnant MORE? Yessiree.


Picture this: Teri reading a book in a pool (my favorite thing to do, ever) on one shoulder and my uterus on the other shoulder––having a full-blown screaming match about who was right and who was wrong.


In the end, "Pool Teri" won. Our doctor reminded us (me) of the importance of mental health during this journey, and we decided (collectively––doctor, Brian, me, Pool Teri and my uterus) that we will not do another cycle until August.


Plus, a long road trip with my husband and floating around a private pool in the mountains of West Virginia for 5 days sounded pretty dang perfect.


So that's what we did.

Check back for more. I can't wait to tell you about our little getaway, which was full of relaxation and absolutely NO infertility talk (well, we tried anyway).

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