Sweet summertime. The sultry, stickiness that curates my curls into a frizzy free-for-all. The beacon of brilliance that beats below onto my fair features from the circle of sparkle in the sky. The patio-worthy hours overflow with happiness. The sun-kissed skin and days spent with forever friends that fade into the sunset. The outdoor country music concerts and lazy pool days and random road trips and memories built beside a bonfire. These are the things my summers are made of. Until 2020.
Ahh, isn't it ironic that as I type this post, we are currently in a polar vortex and it is -13 degrees outside. Oh summer, how I long for you.
The things Summer 2020 was made of:
COVID, infertility, waiting, not leaving the house, lingering, worrying, not traveling, anxiety, longing, changing, not knowing, twiddling my thumbs, searching everywhere for normalcy––this bitter combination was extremely hard on my heart.
Suddenly, my favorite time of the year was really, really heavy.
After Brian's MRI didn't show anything abnormal and we were referred to Iowa City, we were overwhelmed. What does this mean? And why aren't we getting any answers? We really needed to talk to someone we trusted. So, we set up a Zoom appointment with Dr. Young at our fertility clinic. Praise Jesus for technology!
Before setting up an appointment at the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics, Dr. Young wanted to find out if the Clomid was working at all for Brian.
Cue yet another embarrassing small brown bag (accompanied by a glimmer of hope).
Yep, you guessed it. That glimmer of hope was quickly clobbered by another negative result. C'mon Clomid, do your damn job!
At this point, I felt like a worn out punching bag–full of rips and tears; stuffing busting out at the seams; hanging on by a thread, ready to pop open at any moment.
But still in the fight. Being knocked down over and over and over. Getting back up. Standing tall again. Not giving up.
We called U of I Hospitals and made a consultation appointment for June 23. Stick around for a debrief from that appointment (things you can look forward to: a multi-purpose Starbucks cup, resident doctors, and Brian's first threesome).