Hello dear readers. I know I've been a bit quiet on the blog lately. After 4 failed IUIs and an appointment with the doctor this coming Monday, I feel like I haven't had much to say.
BUT––writing makes me feel better, so I thought I'd pick up the 'ol laptop tonight and see where the keyboard takes me. 🙃
If you've ever experienced it in the past or are in the midst of your journey, I KNOW you can relate to this statement:
Infertility is all consuming.
When you're in the middle of your cycle, all your thoughts revolve around it. What cycle day is it? Did I remember to take my medicine this morning? OMG is that a sign I'm pregnant?
When you're planning your next steps, your entire marriage is consumed by it. Discussions you never thought you'd have. Appointments you never thought you'd make. Making plans around the fact that we "might" be pregnant then.
When you're on this isolating journey, it even affects your closest relationships with friends and family. All I have to talk about is my infertility, because that is literally all that is going on in my life. Are my friends going to stop inviting me to do things? Are they going to stop talking to me because I'm sad most days? Is someone in my family going to say something that unintentionally strikes a nerve?
Don't worry...this is not another post where I'm going to tell you what NOT to say (you can read that one here).
While infertility is–most definitely–all consuming, there are times when the emotions run too deep and the exhaustion takes over. You don't want to think about your cycle. You don't want to talk about next steps. You don't want to tell your best friend about yet ANOTHER failed cycle.
Guess what!? It's perfectly OK to tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, pets, and plants to turn off the infertility talk for now.
If you have a dinner or event coming up where you just want to try and NOT think about your childless life, set the boundary up front. Try something like this:
"Hey guys. I am looking forward to dinner tonight. Would you mind if we don't talk about infertility? I really want to try and enjoy myself."
Here are some other responses to try the next time a comment or question becomes triggering for you. (Say it in a kind way, of course. We don't want Aunt Barbara thinking infertility has made you snooty. 😜)
12 ways to shut down infertility talk
1. Have you seen the latest episode of The Handmaid's Tale yet?
2. I'm not comfortable talking about this right now.
3. Do you think the Hawkeyes will finish the season strong?
4. Oh, look! It's snowing!
5. I'm sorry, but I just don't want to hear about how your third cousin's best friend got pregnant after she 'just relaxed.'
6. Going anywhere fun this summer?
7. I love you. I don't love this conversation right now.
8. Have I showed you pictures of my new plant yet?
9. I know you're asking out of love, but this topic is really triggering to me right now. I can update you on a day I feel better.
10. Next topic!
11. Pass the potatoes, please.
12. Is there something else we can talk about?
Guess what else?! This list of responses is not restricted to just infertility (excluding #5!). Use it for ANY topic that you're really just not in the mood to discuss. Thank me later 😉
That's all I've got for you today, friends. Stay tuned for an update on our appointment with the doc...and more random thoughts by yours truly.